I wanted to share these viewpoints with you because if you really take them to heart and live by them, you’re going to change your world in a seriously cool way.
I speak from experience. I’ve learned these things slowly over the years. Yep – I’m a work in progress too. But aren’t we all, really?
It’s a somewhat long-ish list, but it’s a good one. I hope you make it to the end and leave a comment so we can connect.
Here are 8 rules confident women live by and how you can live by them too.
1. Play in the grey
As human beings, we’re taught to see things as good or bad; hot or cold; black or white. We want everything wrapped up in a neat perfect little box and topped with a bright shiny label. This is the very thinking that has you declaring, “I’ve had a bad food day – who cares? I’m eating whatever I want now. I’ve blown it anyway….” After one (I repeat one) not-so-great meal.
It’s also the same thinking that has us pushing for a label in a budding new relationship. When in reality, we don’t even know if we really like them (gasp!) because we don’t really know them that well. Instead of asking, “Do they like me? What are we?” We need to take a step back and ask, “Do I like them?”And continue to get to know them.
Finally, this black and white thinking is the very thing that has you walking around declaring to yourself (and maybe others), “I’m not good enough, and I’m never going to be good enough. There’s no use in me trying. I always fail.”
This thinking here? It’s defining. There’s no room for growth. Yes, you may have failed in the past, you may have mucked up past relationships, and had bad food days (remember … you’re a human being!), but that doesn’t mean you can’t try again and succeed – seriously.
Give yourself a break. Show yourself some compassion. In other words, learn to play in the grey. It’s tempting to paint the world in black and white, but that’s not where we learn, where we succeed, and where we learn to cut through the gunk to get to the good stuff. Instead of trying to define everything, take a step back and a few deep breaths, and ask yourself what the next best decision is for you moving forward – play in the grey – and I promise you’ll grow.
2. Don’t take things personally
This is one of the agreements in Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements. When I first heard these words of wisdom I knew I had a lot of work to do here. And if you’re anything like me or the kind, caring, compassionate I work with, you may have to hone-in on this one too.
Just for the plain and simple fact it’s true. What others do or say has absolutely nothing to do with you. Nothing. That coworker who has rude? That family member who made that mean comment about your appearance? That’s a reflection of their own internal struggles and maybe, even their day. They could have just been in a fight with their partner, lost their job, or are trying to hit a stressful deadline…. you have no idea.
The fact is: happy people aren’t unkind. They just aren’t. And happy women get this. And they get that what people need most here is compassion. Happy women have a deep understanding that the world and people aren’t out to get them. People are too preoccupied with their own lives, just trying to make it to the next day, all doing the best they can.
As soon as you take this to heart, practice compassion, and use these difficult situations as opportunities to stay in a good place, you’ll start to see a massive shift. Because you know what? You’ll be happier … and feel much more at peace.